a colored spectrum

guilty as charged

to a certain, i'm quite guilty for giving Benny hopes about having a relationship with him.
i was good to him, i went out often with him. we did held hands, hugged and kisses.
in Michele's words " we did everything a couple does".
but, we were never an official couple. maybe then, it semed to him that we would end up together...

i admit that i used to like him, more specifically interested in him.
i thought we could work out too. coz he was indeed a very caring, giving and loving guy.
one of those good catches around who loves you so much and would not hurt you.
he has an interesting job with a decent pay. he knew how to enjoy life.
until he started preaching to me. boring me with his work. and he has a real terrible dress sense.

Joshua was in my social picture all these while, but i never read much into it.
he was just a chill out fren who happens to be an ex TJCian, and lives nearby.
so we could meet for coffee at S11 late at nite before bedtime or watch movie during afternoons.
i wasn't really interested in Joshua though i had a good impression of him.
i never gave much thoughts to it, coz i felt that we won't end up together.

why?

Joshua is good looking and very friendly. he puts everyone at ease, makes people laugh etc.
those very charming Orientation Group Leaders sort. but i felt that it was impossible between us.
coz : 1) he won't fancy me. i'm not pretty. i'm boring.
2) he is probably interested in another girl, whom he keeps harping about.
3) i didn't ask whether he was attached or not.

Joshua was this unattainable guy, those you can only befriend but never possess of his heart.
thus, all these while, i still dated Benny, being all nice and sweet to him, giving him false hopes.
heh *don't blame me k?*

the day Joshua professes his feelings for me was the night before i left for China.
after saying he liked me, i flew to a faraway land. no chance to develop on it.
hence, whatever feelings, trust and hopes we had for each other developed while we were apart.
it was amazing. within my one lonely month in China, we grew much closer than before.
correspondingly, i was sure that Benny was not the right guy at that right time for me.

Never take things for granted.
the trees may sway in your favour, but a sudden change in wind direction may spoil everything.

posted by Veen @ 11:18